For S.

Hey S,

I'm sitting here in the dark in my living room. It's been 35 degrees the entire day, and now the sun has finally settled behind the buildings here, I can open all my windows to let some air in. But of course this means I can't switch on any lights, as otherwise I'll be eaten alive by mosquitos. So here I am, sitting in the dark, listening to the livestream of one of my favourite bands - Snow Patrol - killing it at V-festival in England. Do you remember me being so crazy about them? I still am, and a lot more since then.

Anyway, this weekend the Pukkelpop festival was on again and I remember how we used to say that it was always around your birthday and we wanted to go there one year. I've only been there once since, and it was the best festival experience I ever had. Last year the festival got struck by a major disaster, a huge storm made 2 tents collapse and took the life of 5 people. I hope you've shown them around up there. They were young people, called to heaven way too soon, just like you.

For some reason, this year everytime Pukkelpop was mentioned, I had to think about you. Maybe because of your birthday, maybe because of the accidents, maybe simply because I remember your passion for music, as intense as my own.

I have been thinking so much about you and I wanted so much to send you a message for your birthday today. Because S, today was such a gorgeous day and I just know you would have loved it. The sun was shining, I spent the afternoon picking blueberries in my dads garden with him and my grandad. Which is a little miracle as my grandad has been so sick and it's nothing short of a miracle as he's still around. It makes you appreciate these little things so much more. As I'm sure you know. We put them in a huge glass of Sangria and enjoyed a cool drink in the garden, playing around with the cat who was being driven crazy by all the honeybees buzzing around her head. You should have seen it, we laughed our heads off!

Honestly, I have no idea why I'm telling you all this. I guess that I just wanted to say hi and let you know that, though life goes on and on, you are still remembered in all the little things, especially on days like today. And that I wished so much you could have drank a glass of Sangria with us to celebrate your special day.

So here goes girl, happy birthday! I hope you had a kick ass day up there. We miss you... x

*cough* Is this thing still on?

Wow...

Just checked the date of my last blog on here... December 27th, 2010... Really Mel? REALLY?
Yes. Really.

Right.

So here I am. The year 2011 that scared me shitless last time I was on here came and went. And we're halfway on the road to 2013 already! I can't believe how time flies, and how much changed.
It had been so long that I had to reread the last blog on here, to relive the state of mind I was in back then, Like I said, so much has changed since then that I hardly know where to start.

First things first then huh? Here goes, in a nutshell:

This blog is being written from Belgium instead of Ireland. I moved back in february last year and things haven't exactly been easy since. I came back 'home' to see my family fall apart. My parents split up last summer with all the drama surrounded such situations. The worst is through now. But it has been a very difficult situation which has made me think about a lot of things in life differently. Next to that my grandad got really sick up untill the point where we thought we might actually lose him a couple of months ago. But by some miracle he's doing fairly okay now. He's eating, gaining weight and can even walk again. He's in a nursing home so he's being looked after very well.

That brings us to today. Turned out that I had every right to be scared of 2011 as - see above - I can't really say it brought me much joy. And 2012 didn't start much better in my eyes, though it's turning, slowly but steadily and surely. Which is probably why I am back here now. In all honesty, you probably wouldn't have liked much what I had to say in all these months I was away.

But now can see things through somewhat pinker glasses. Me and Juno (yes, I have a cat, long story!) are living in Dendermonde, I will be finishing my statstics class in a few weeks and start my final year of Marketing school, at long last! The Childcare dream has been put on ice for now and that big BBC thing I was talking about my last blog obviously never happened (I know, I know. big surprise...), but there might be some realistic exciting news on the job front soon. Won't go into detail yet in order not to jinx it, but please keep toes, ears and fingers crossed and watch this space! :-) More news on this front really soon.

Honestly, things have been mental these past few months and I have missed writing. Normally, writing stuff off is my way of getting them off my chest but sometimes you just need to wrestle through them so that you can give them a place in your life and deal with it all and, ultimately, move on. Which is am trying to do. And at long last I have the feeling that I'm finally making some progress here.

It's getting late here and I should probably head to bed soon. But my mind is working through a lot right now and I will be back soon to help me sort it all out. I promise. I really feel like I am turning over a new leaf here and finally coming to terms with being back in Belgium and accepting that my life is here. And between you and me? This ain't such a bad place to be.

Love always,

Mel x