For S.

Hey S,

I'm sitting here in the dark in my living room. It's been 35 degrees the entire day, and now the sun has finally settled behind the buildings here, I can open all my windows to let some air in. But of course this means I can't switch on any lights, as otherwise I'll be eaten alive by mosquitos. So here I am, sitting in the dark, listening to the livestream of one of my favourite bands - Snow Patrol - killing it at V-festival in England. Do you remember me being so crazy about them? I still am, and a lot more since then.

Anyway, this weekend the Pukkelpop festival was on again and I remember how we used to say that it was always around your birthday and we wanted to go there one year. I've only been there once since, and it was the best festival experience I ever had. Last year the festival got struck by a major disaster, a huge storm made 2 tents collapse and took the life of 5 people. I hope you've shown them around up there. They were young people, called to heaven way too soon, just like you.

For some reason, this year everytime Pukkelpop was mentioned, I had to think about you. Maybe because of your birthday, maybe because of the accidents, maybe simply because I remember your passion for music, as intense as my own.

I have been thinking so much about you and I wanted so much to send you a message for your birthday today. Because S, today was such a gorgeous day and I just know you would have loved it. The sun was shining, I spent the afternoon picking blueberries in my dads garden with him and my grandad. Which is a little miracle as my grandad has been so sick and it's nothing short of a miracle as he's still around. It makes you appreciate these little things so much more. As I'm sure you know. We put them in a huge glass of Sangria and enjoyed a cool drink in the garden, playing around with the cat who was being driven crazy by all the honeybees buzzing around her head. You should have seen it, we laughed our heads off!

Honestly, I have no idea why I'm telling you all this. I guess that I just wanted to say hi and let you know that, though life goes on and on, you are still remembered in all the little things, especially on days like today. And that I wished so much you could have drank a glass of Sangria with us to celebrate your special day.

So here goes girl, happy birthday! I hope you had a kick ass day up there. We miss you... x

*cough* Is this thing still on?

Wow...

Just checked the date of my last blog on here... December 27th, 2010... Really Mel? REALLY?
Yes. Really.

Right.

So here I am. The year 2011 that scared me shitless last time I was on here came and went. And we're halfway on the road to 2013 already! I can't believe how time flies, and how much changed.
It had been so long that I had to reread the last blog on here, to relive the state of mind I was in back then, Like I said, so much has changed since then that I hardly know where to start.

First things first then huh? Here goes, in a nutshell:

This blog is being written from Belgium instead of Ireland. I moved back in february last year and things haven't exactly been easy since. I came back 'home' to see my family fall apart. My parents split up last summer with all the drama surrounded such situations. The worst is through now. But it has been a very difficult situation which has made me think about a lot of things in life differently. Next to that my grandad got really sick up untill the point where we thought we might actually lose him a couple of months ago. But by some miracle he's doing fairly okay now. He's eating, gaining weight and can even walk again. He's in a nursing home so he's being looked after very well.

That brings us to today. Turned out that I had every right to be scared of 2011 as - see above - I can't really say it brought me much joy. And 2012 didn't start much better in my eyes, though it's turning, slowly but steadily and surely. Which is probably why I am back here now. In all honesty, you probably wouldn't have liked much what I had to say in all these months I was away.

But now can see things through somewhat pinker glasses. Me and Juno (yes, I have a cat, long story!) are living in Dendermonde, I will be finishing my statstics class in a few weeks and start my final year of Marketing school, at long last! The Childcare dream has been put on ice for now and that big BBC thing I was talking about my last blog obviously never happened (I know, I know. big surprise...), but there might be some realistic exciting news on the job front soon. Won't go into detail yet in order not to jinx it, but please keep toes, ears and fingers crossed and watch this space! :-) More news on this front really soon.

Honestly, things have been mental these past few months and I have missed writing. Normally, writing stuff off is my way of getting them off my chest but sometimes you just need to wrestle through them so that you can give them a place in your life and deal with it all and, ultimately, move on. Which is am trying to do. And at long last I have the feeling that I'm finally making some progress here.

It's getting late here and I should probably head to bed soon. But my mind is working through a lot right now and I will be back soon to help me sort it all out. I promise. I really feel like I am turning over a new leaf here and finally coming to terms with being back in Belgium and accepting that my life is here. And between you and me? This ain't such a bad place to be.

Love always,

Mel x

A new year, a new beginning?

Hello everyone!

Wow... Since I haven’t been back to this page since July... *hangs her head in shame* I guess my blogging didn’t start out too well, but hey, nearly a new year, and new resolutions, right?

So here goes...

At any rate, I think I’ll be (ab)using this blog a lot more over the coming weeks. The dreaded end of the year is so very close now and I still have absolutely no idea what I’ll be doing in say a month time. There are a lot of different options and some choices that need to be made. And trust me, some of them I really don’t want to make...

But more about that later. First of all I want to have a quick review of the year 2010. It’s been quite a blur. I really wonder where my time in Ireland went. I can’t believe I’ve been here for 2 years and 3 months already and it’s even harder to believe that very soon, this won’t be the place I will call home anymore... It makes me excited and very sad at the same time...

This year has been very much defined by music. I finally started taking guitar lessons and even though I don’t practice nearly enough (as I don’t live alone and my housemate mocks my playing and singing all the time) I love it. I have a great teacher and it’s a lot of fun and surprisingly, I don’t suck at it. Go me! :D

Next to that I’ve been to what feels like a million gigs and I loved every single one of them. I also travelled a lot this year (mostly for music and meeting friends) and often I forget what an amazing privilege it is that I am able to do this. Often I forget it’s so easy to hide in this dream of being on the road all the time. It’ll break my heart leaving it behind, but I know it’s time, and I know I have to... There is just no point in running away anymore, as I’ve come to realise that’s what I’m doing, in a way.

This year has also known some struggles with certain friends that I’m sad to say I ended up losing this year. I have been through some rough months and I didn’t realise what was going on with me until much later and it was too late. I’ve spent a lot of time wondering if I should have put more effort in making things right again or just move on (like I ended up doing). I’m still not sure if I made the right decision and it hurts, but I guess these things happen for a reason, and there is no use dwelling on them. I know I made mistakes and that I’ve hurt people I really did care about by the way I behaved and spoke to them. I just hope they know I am truly sorry and that I really do value their friendship, or did, for the friendships I’ve lost.

So... to return to the subject of the impending year 2011, I have to say that I’m very excited and scared shitless at the same time. I really dislike not having any plan or some sorts and going blind. I’ve pretty much decided that I’ll move back home, and start studying again in September so I can work with children. As much as I love Ireland, I’m honestly a little bit bored of working in IT and doing helpdesk work, and I think it’s time to grow up and start thinking what I want to do the rest of my life. And I think this is it.

Or at least, I used to think so until I got presented with a possible opportunity to get a second chance at making my first dream come true, and work in journalism. There is nothing substantial in this area yet and I can’t say much about the subject, simply because I don’t know anything myself yet, apart that I’ve passed the tests to start working at the BBC and that they’ll, at some point over the next 18 months, offer me a potential face to face interview which would hopefully lead to a job.

I wouldn’t be called Melissa Bauwens if my life and choices were easy for a change, right ;-) But I’m not complaining at all. For now, I am sticking to my original plan of moving back home and childcare. But do watch this place. The future (thankfully!) isn’t set in stone.

This is another thing that I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about lately. I was feeling mighty sorry for myself the past week as my parents and aunt and uncle and 2 cousins couldn’t make their planned trip over to Ireland to celebrate Christmas with me because of the amount of snow we were currently having in both Ireland and Belgium and hence the airports being closed. I think I really annoyed some people in the days leading up to it and when the final news came that the flight was officially cancelled, I was so sad and angry and felt alone. But then I went into town to a busking session of my favourite Irish singer songwriter Glen Hansard and something clicked back into place. I really felt guilty and, truth be told, a bit of a spoilt brat. At least I have a loving family who would have loved to be here, and nobody was stuck in the airport on Christmas Eve like so many other people due to the horrible weather conditions in Europe at the moment. I really needed to be reminded of that, of how lucky I truly am that I am able to live the live I lead, and especially the past 2 years. There really is no excuse to feel sorry for yourself when you have so much to be thankful and grateful for.

But anyway, 2011 is coming closer and once again an opportunity to make a clean break. I guess it’s the perfect time of year for that: ‘Clean breaks’. I keep telling myself that ‘this time, I’ll change’. Or, ‘This time, I won’t let myself get fooled again’. Or ‘This time, I’ll do things differently, won’t make the same mistakes again’. Haha... Honestly, who am I kidding? But hey, can’t blame me for trying... right? J

Love to all, and a prosperous 2011!

Mel x

An introduction...

Hello all,

Since I checked last, apparently we are in the 21st century and therefore, it sounds reasonable to keep up with the world around me.

As writing has always been a passion of mine, but far too neglected these days, I decided to create a blog and ramble on about things surely unimportant to all of you, but as writing always helped me to get a better grip on the world, I thought I'd give it a shot anyway. If only to keep myself sane haha.

I have absolutely no idea how this will turn out, and to be honest, it does not really matter. First and foremost this will be my little place, and if somehow you are reading this and are brave enough to stick around here, I hope you enjoy the ride. Oh and if this is the case, Please don't hesitate to leave a comment behind and let me know...

Happy reading to all of you!

Mel aka Ishisu